You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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