the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
