So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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