youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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