I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
