Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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