remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
