I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
