I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
