There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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