With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
