He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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