Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
