i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
