Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i think i scared a bird with my dick
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
