it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
