I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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