jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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