She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
