I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
