bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
