in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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