I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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