That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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