People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
