Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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