dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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