I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
