Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
