so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i love accidental penises.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
