Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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