In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
