I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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