cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
