I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
