They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i out mim tonsoeep
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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