and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
