I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
