apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My vagina just clenched in fear
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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