So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
