Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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