He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
