so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
