My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
