The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
