Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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