its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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