4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
