What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Randomize
