can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
