I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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