dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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