You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
