I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize
