At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
