Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
