Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
