So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
